Posted by Anonymous:
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the
legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a
transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing
fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You
have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people
consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually
fail. You're a prick.

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Posted by Dorian:
Weight 14st bad, desserts 1 (big with Icecream) v.bad, gym 1hr cardio good.

Oh yes..... going to see Bridget Jones tonight and then a meal and will probably pop out heads in Barcode later.

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Posted by Anonymous:
[Posted on behalf of Neil M.]

The A to Z of The Eurovision Song Contest
D is for DANA INTERNATIONAL
Now there have been 45 contests so far and in 1969 there was a 4 way tie - that makes 48 winners in all.
The breakdown as follows:
- 28 have been female singers
- 6 have been male singers
- 9 have been groups [the first of which was Abba in 1974]
- 4 have been duets.
Now you don't have to be Phil Hooper or resort to your slide rule to work out that the total of those listed above is only 47. Who is the missing winner?
Well the answer is obvious. It is, of course, Dana International who falls into a slightly different category being the first transexual ever to win the contest [there will be more, I'm sure]. Please don't be offended by me not automatically placing her in the "female" list but, if the law in Israel is the same as it is in the U.K., if your born a man you stay one no matter you get the doctor to do with your bits. Dana International was truly a great winner in 1998 with "Diva" when the show was held in Birmingham. She deserves her own entry [so to speak ...] in this A to Z as well as the one she had surgically made for her.
Dana International was born Yaren Cohen on February 2nd 1972. It is alleged that she had her operation in 1992 and by 1993 produced her first album which went gold in Israel [wow!]. Who can forget her rapid change into a leafy new frock for the reprise upon it being announced that she had won in 1998. "Diva" was a huge hit all over Europe.
But equal to her performance in 1998 was her appearance at the final in 1998. Dana was called on stage to present the trophy to the Swedish winner, Charlotte Nilsson ["Take Me To Your Heaven"]. The prize - a glass statue prepared specially by Israeli artist, Yaakov Agam, was quite impressive. Dana began to pick it up, made a grimace, and then fell. Did the statue break? Who knows are even cares. But Dana's confidence was destroyed, even as she was helped to her feet. She tried to smile and shake off the unexpected tumble, but apparently her dress, a feathery creation by Jean Paul Gaultier, was out of place. Dana was forced to shuffle off stage, caught by the cameras and a shocked international audience of millions.
Little Known Facts:
- Like Abba, Dana International tried to make it into the Eurovision Finals in 1997, the year before she won. Sadly she came second in her national contest.
- Prior to the 1998 Eurovision she was interviewed on a BBC contest preview programme in Tel Aviv. To the shocked interviewer she pointed to some shrubbery and indicated that it was where she had lost her virginity. Rumour has it that, in honour of her victory, the Israeli authorities have commemorated the spot with a plaque reading "Dana's Bush - Home to All Kinds of Everything".
I Need Help:
I would like to believe that the name "Dana International" was chosen in honour of the Irish winner of the Eurovision in 1970. True or False? I need help.

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Posted by David:
Went to a Weakest Link quiz night with Andy and Ian at the Old Ship in the east end. Stylistically, it is the bleakest sink. Ian was drinking Carling top, which statistically is the weakest drink. Then we went to amateur strip night at The White Swan. There was a dreadfully hairy Mediterranean, who was the Greekest dink. I went off to Sailors where I met a lovely young guy who had just come back from playing basketball in Paris. Sadistically, he was the youngest twink.
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Posted by Dorian:
Weight 13st 13.5lb bad, desserts 3 v.bad, gym 1hr cardio good.
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Posted by Anonymous:
(Neil and Guy) One of us is SAGITTARIUS and the other is CAPRICORN.
Can you guess which one is which?


SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You
are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on
incest.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean,
self-centred c*nt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is
probably an altar boy.

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Posted by Anonymous:
Finally got around to using that large plastic thing in my bedroom last night.
It has been sitting there collecting dust for months and I haven't once played with it. Well, all I can say is that it brought a tear to my eye and 'Boys Don't Cry'

Yes last night I finally used On Request from On Digital!

I first saw 'BOYS DON'T CRY' 12 months ago and it blew me away then.
If you haven't seen it then I recommend you get yourself to BLOCKBUSTER
A well deserved OSCAR for Hilary Swank...........

Synopsis

Boys Don’t Cry is the gripping true story of Teena Brandon, a confused teen who pays the ultimate price when she reinvents herself as Brandon Teena and relocates to the smalltown Nebraskan community of Falls City. There he/she embarks on a romance with local girl Lana (Chloe Sevigny), incurring the jealous wrath of Lana’s violent ex-boyfriend and his best buddy. Anchored by an astonishingly believable performance from Swank, who picked up a Best Actress Oscar last year for the role, as well as a wonderfully subtle turn from Sevigny (who was Oscar-nominated), this is a drama of rare power and courage. And despite the inevitably brutal and heartrending climax, this bitter-sweet romantic tragedy remains a poignant and inspirational piece of film-making.

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Posted by Anonymous:
LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes
you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete
prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are
your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your
nose. You always have snot on your clothes.
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Posted by David:
Neil, ABBA is the name of a Swedish fish canning factory. The group were given permission to use the name, as long as they never had any association with fish products. So they'll have to give back those royalties for those well-known songs, "Nina Pretty Barracuda", "I Have A Bream", "Moules Vous", "Soup o' Grouper", "The Dinner - Hake Is All" and "Like An Angel Fish Passing Through My Room".
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Posted by Anonymous:
VIRGO

You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But
you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are
usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
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Posted by Anonymous:
Where would you shop?

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing and sponsoring condoms?
 
Sainsbury Condoms  - Making life taster better
Tesco Condoms     -  Every little helps
Nike Condoms    -  Just do it
Peugeot Comdoms  -  The ride of your life
Galaxy Condoms   -   Why have rubber when you can have silk
KFC Condoms   -   Finger, licking good
Minstrals Condoms   - melt in your mouth - not in your hands
Safeway Condoms   -   Lightening the load
Abbey National Condoms   -   because life is complicated enough
Coca Cola Condoms   -   The real thing
Ever Ready Condoms   -  keep going and going
Macintosh Condoms   -   it does more, it costs less, it's that simple
Pringles Condoms   -   once you pop, you can't stop
Burger King Condoms   -   Home of the Whopper
Goodyear Condoms   -   "for a longer rider go wide"
FCUK Condoms  -  no comment required
Muller Light Condoms    -   so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Flash Condoms   -   Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work
Halfords Condoms   -   we go the extra mile
On Digital Condoms   -   plug and play!!!!
Royal Mail Condoms   -   I saw this and thought of you
Andrex Condoms   -   Soft, strong and very very long
 

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